For years I believed that my relationship with God, as I understood God to be, was of a limited nature. I did not understand early in my life that I had a Divine right to a personal relationship with something so great and powerful. My religious teachers taught me that God was so powerful, He could change my life with a snap of His fingers, that I would not have the parents I knew as “Candie,” and that I would live in a different city, and maybe even look differently. Hearing this as a child I felt terrified, amazed, and in a very weird way, hopeful. It seemed to me that a God so powerful (if I was good enough) would take care of me.
My God did take care of me. As I look back at my life, I thank the legion of angels watching over me, my children and my marriage. God’s Divine Army of Angels seemed to intervene whenever I headed down a road that would take me away from my purpose. But this same Divine Army of Angles stood aside and allowed me the grace of my own misguided decisions. The further I wandered into the forest of my life experiences, I tripped, fell down and nursed my bruised knees ego. At times I felt isolated and alone, believing that I was helpless to my circumstances as I pulled what felt like virtual swords from my heart of disappointments and failures. And yet, the guidance that had been so generously given never ceased. I ceased to pick up the phone. I ceased to listen. It was in the grace of the freedom I was given that I found my way to guiltless devotion. I discovered that my voice mattered. My understanding of the Divine changed and I discovered that the phone lines were open. It was only then that I had the courage to begin a personal conversation that led me back to my Divinity.
For anyone who struggles with the idea that something greater than yourself is real, I can only tell you that the only way to find out is to listen. To trust. To walk in nature and pick the luscious cupcakes of Divinity that hang freely from the limbs of the trees. Our minds are funny things. They are “caked” with layers of ideas, ideologies, and dogmas that smother the inner communications we are naturally inclined to have with our Divine Source. It does not matter what you call that source. Shakespeare in his wisdom reminded us that a “rose by any other name would smell so sweet.” Beating down your own doubt will not work. Take your doubt with you into the woods. Together, perhaps, you will meet your soul and find peace and a path that suits you.